And, guess what? That delights us.
See, it takes a lot for Minnesotans to shake their stoicism. Even in the face of -30 temps and shrinkage-inducing windchills, you’ll rarely see us register a reaction. It’s our Scandinavian roots.
But this forecast for the Superbowl is delicious. It has us dancing. (Admittedly, inside. Outwardly, we may only crack a smile.)
I’ve been inviting visitors to my country of Minnesota for ages. January is great, I tell them. Can’t beat it. Maybe February.
And yet, no one comes.
The thing is, while we want you to love us and our state, we also secretly want you to suffer as we do. The recent forecast is an answer to the collective prayers of all Minnesotans. We’ve been snickering gleefully, licking our lips, watching with crazy eyes, whispering almost inaudibly. “Yesssss……yes, my pretty.”
We can’t wait for you to experience our most feared, and most prized season. We’ll be there too, as we have been throughout the many long winters of our lives.
The one long, seemingly, endless winter of our lives.
Come. Experience the one-of-a-kind sensation of the boogers freezing in your nose.
Watch in wonder as your personal exhaust system forms misty clouds that trail behind you as you run from light rail to building, from sidewalk to skyway.
Feel the burn of your shin skin, dry as beef jerky from the kiss of our winds.
Check out our art installation, on one of our beautiful, but frozen lakes.
Marvel at the miracle of fenderbergs, or car turds as the less sophisticated among us call them. Experience the satisfaction of kicking one off.
Stay far away from St. Paul. There’s nothing to see here.
Make snow angels–it’s your prerogative as a first-timer. Chuck a snowball at someone. Go sledding.
Take a digger on an icy sidewalk. But first, teeter perilously, long enough to believe you might be able to stop the inevitable. Tuck and roll.
Snap selfies with the Peanuts statues. Throw your hat in the air, like Mary Tyler Moore. You’re gonna make it after all. Put it on again, quickly, before frostbite kicks in.
Then, pull up a chair. Pull on some slippers and fleece. Keep your mittens on until your fingers warm up. (Don’t have any? Yah, sure, we’ll lend you ours.) Have cocoa with us. We’ll offer you refills and tator tot hot dish and coffee right up until bedtime. Decline, and we’re obligated to offer it twice more.
We may even turn up the heat for you. That’s how Minnesotans show love.
And finally, when you go home, tell everyone just how crazy Minnesotans are. And how nice Minnesotans are. And how strong Minnesotans are.
And perhaps, how ever-so-slightly passive aggressive Minnesotans are. You betcha.
Welcome to Minnesota. We’re glad you came. (But secretly, we hope you suffer like we do.)
Charish Badzinski is an explorer and award-winning travel and food writer. When she isn’t working to build her blog: Rollerbag Goddess Rolls the World, she applies her worldview to her small business, providing strategic communications, media relations and writing support to her clients.
Find Charish on Twitter: @charishb
Rollerbag Goddess Rolls the World by Charish Badzinski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.